Toradora! Vol. 8 Read online

  Ryuuji’s face turned red as he choked. He looked exactly like a terrifying hungry ghost from hell as he looked back at Ami.

  “And Minorin also likes Ryuuji.”

  “Hmmm…”

  “What?! Wait…wait a second! Is that what you think?!”

  “Just keep quiet. I know she definitely does… I just know. But there’s a lot of things going on, so they’re having a hard time getting together. I won’t let anyone get in the way anymore. Even you, Dimhuahua. That’s what I’ve decided.”

  Taiga had had her say.

  Ami looked at Taiga’s face, scooped up the foam of her café au lait with her teaspoon, and licked it with the tip of her tongue. For just a moment, she checked Ryuuji’s expression with a glance.

  “I see. Well, I’ve heard what you’ve had to say, but…why are you coming to me with this now? Why are you suddenly saying this?”

  “Ryuuji got rejected by Minorin on Christmas Eve!”

  Nooooo! His mouth formed a noiseless scream and he writhed in agony, but there was no one to notice.

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah! He got rejected!”

  Ami blinked. A couple at the table next to them turned to look at them. Even the owner of the café, Sudoh-san, had popped his head over the counter. Rejected?! Who?! That kid with the scary face?! That delinquent kid?! How sad! As he heard the overlapping, inconsiderate whispers, Ryuuji’s heart was stabbed at from all sides.

  He wanted to drown himself in the sea that was his house blend coffee. Ryuuji covered his head and leaned down on the table but then used the last of his strength to raise his face.

  “What actually happened was that Kushieda rejected me by telling me not to confess on Christmas Eve before I could even confess!”

  It was certainly true that he had been rejected by Minori, but why did Taiga have to go spreading that around? If he could, he would have pretended as though it had never happened. What was he going to do now that she had shared the memory with others? And why Kawashima Ami, out of all people?

  “Huuuh. I see…”

  At Ami’s sweetly nasal voice, which was filled with poison, Ryuuji raised his head. She was probably going to say something terrible to him, the guy she hated for being stupid. She could say whatever she wanted. He was already riddled with wounds. Even if he got one or two more cuts, it wouldn’t change anything.

  However, at that moment, Ami’s gaze shifted away from Ryuuji’s face. Her mouth contorted into a line, as if she’d tried to smile but failed at it. She hid her expression with her café latte cup, and in a tone of voice like she was talking to herself, muttered, “So you’ve already been deeply hurt…”

  Then, for some reason, her gaze went to Taiga instead of Ryuuji.

  Taiga, who was holding her café au lait bowl with both hands, noticed her gaze and raised her eyes.

  “The school trip is the last event for Ryuuji and Minorin to become honest with each other—I think it’s a special opportunity. So, I don’t want anyone to get in the way. Do you get that? Do you?”

  Suddenly, she looked at Ryuuji.

  “It would have been a lot better if it had been Okinawa, but we don’t have time to talk about luxuries. ‘Life doesn’t go the way you want it,’ after all. So I don’t care whether it’s a ski resort or a gloomy mountain. I want to see what Minorin’s real feelings are. It’s our best and last chance. It’s our last chance because we’re choosing different classes. Ryuuji’s taking the science course, right?”

  “Yeah… That’s what I’m hoping.”

  “Minori is going into the humanities. We’ll be in different classes, and you’ll be separated within the year. If you’re rejected even when you’re in the same class, what’ll happen when you’re in different classes? This school trip really is the last chance! You got that?”

  She stared up at him, and Ryuuji gulped a little. The following year, they’d be in different classes—another reality that he couldn’t change. His heart was easily moved by the thought of his adolescence being broken up.

  I got to be in the same class as Kushieda-san! So much time already passed since that spring, when he had been so delighted. This was a crucial moment: he could just abandon the race or keep running even though he was behind by a lap.

  “So, Dimhuahua! You’re okay with that?! I want you to stop teasing Ryuuji and clinging all over him!”

  “Oh really? Did I ever cling all over Takasu-kun? I don’t remember?”

  “Ever since you appeared in our world, you’ve been clinging to Ryuuji, and it’s depressing!”

  “Was I? Well, I don’t really care either way.”

  As though teasing Taiga, Ami put on her goody-two-shoes smile. Then she suddenly muttered in a low voice, “If that’s actually what you want.”

  She put on her sunglasses to hide her eyes as she said that. It seemed Taiga hadn’t completely heard what she said. Still expressionless, she finished up the last of her pancake in one bite.

  Ami, however, didn’t say it again. She slowly finished drinking her water, looked at the time, and stretched. Then she checked her cell phone before putting on her down coat and Chanel bag.

  “Ahh, this smells of stupid. That was such a useless conversation. I’m not interested in your cheap love lives, so please do whatever you want. Well, I’m going home soon. I’m still feeling out of it from the jet lag. Are you guys staying?”

  “No, I’m going. It’s almost six, so Ryuuji needs to make dinner, right?”

  It was exactly as Taiga said. The breadwinner of the house, who needed dinner by seven no matter how much mental damage he had taken, was waiting for him. Ryuuji also slowly got up and handed the coffee money over to Taiga, who held some bills. Taiga also received change from Ami and went to pay the check by herself.

  Ami went around the table, and Ryuuji tried to follow after her.

  “Whoa?!”

  Suddenly, Ami grabbed his collar. Although she was a girl, her power was tyrannical, and he reflexively tried to shake her off.

  “It would have been better if you were the only one who really got hurt,” she said.

  “What?! What are you talking about?!”

  Behind her sunglasses, Ami opened her eyes wider than he had ever seen her do before. He realized she was glaring at him.

  “You’re an idiot, so you wouldn’t get it anyway.”

  Her lips were contorted as though she were smiling, but she was probably incredibly annoyed.

  “I really do hate you.”

  “…”

  He stumbled as she pushed him away. Ami turned on her heel, and she simply said, “I’m out first.” With an elegant catwalk, she left the café.

  If you were the only one who really got hurt.

  Ami seemed exactly like she had on the night of the party. She’d gotten angry and left him in the same way.

  The origin of her irritation was probably what she’d said back when they were preparing for the party. Ami had teased him for having a father-daughter-like relationship with Taiga. Minori was playing at being the mom, she’d said. She’d said they should stop doing that if they didn’t want to get really hurt…but she’d also said to forget she ever said anything.

  He couldn’t forget it though—and right now, he really had been incredibly hurt after Minori rejected him. Did that really happen because he and Taiga pulled Minori into a pseudo-family situation, just as Ami said?

  If it wasn’t just him, then who else was hurt?

  “You always leave out something!”

  If she was going to insult him for being an idiot, then why couldn’t she have explained it in a way an idiot like him could understand? Ryuuji muttered to himself. If she really was more grown up than everyone else, and knew what was going on around her better than anyone, then she should have told him what was going on, too. She just understood for herself, got angry for herself, and left him in the dust. It was selfish.

  That’s how you always are.

  “Did Dimhuahua
go home? What’s wrong with you? It’s like you’ve been shot in your Achilles heel and murdered,” said Taiga, who had finished paying the check and was looking questioningly up at Ryuuji. He was standing stock-still. His face was frozen.

  ***

  They left Pseudobucks. When they started walking, the sky was completely dark. The night was cold, and the northern wind nearly made them stop breathing.

  “You haven’t gone shopping yet, right? Shouldn’t you hurry up?”

  “What about you?”

  “I’m headed to the station. They made a new bento box place near the ticket gates.”

  They separated on the shopping street. Along the national highway, the T-shaped, desolate road stank of car exhaust. The road was closed off to pedestrians at that point.

  “It’s cold!” Taiga said, scowling under the streetlights.

  The light from the bridge that went over the river could be seen straight ahead, but it was still a ways off. To the left of the T intersection was the station, and to the right was the supermarket. Basically, he would be separating from Taiga there until they met at school the next day. They wouldn’t have a chance to talk between now and then. Though he was a little hesitant, there was something Ryuuji thought he needed to tell her.

  “So when you were talking about the opportunity to check what Minori’s real feelings are, what you meant was the school trip.”

  “That’s right. You completely forgot about it, didn’t you?”

  “I did. Putting aside whether Ami clings to me or not…I didn’t think that you thought about things that much. So, thanks for that. But I think you’ve gone out of your way to say some stuff you didn’t need to. You didn’t really have to tell her that.”

  Taiga buttoned the front of her coat and shook her head.

  “It’s better just to tell it to Dimhuahua straight. And I feel like I’m to blame for this. I said so already, right? That night, I forced things. I think the results would definitely have been different otherwise.”

  Her mouth contorted slightly as she slowly looked up to the heavens, as though she were searching for stars in the pale night sky.

  “About Christmas Eve, what do you think Minorin said to me?”

  It was as though she were saying it to herself. Taiga turned her gaze to Ryuuji.

  “She said, ‘There wasn’t anything anyway.’ She said that you were just trying to cheer her up while she was down and that you were kind, and there wasn’t anything else to it. That’s what she said. She kept saying it was nothing, it was nothing, it was nothing. And then she smiled, that girl.”

  “Maybe she really didn’t think there was anything there?”

  “You idiot.”

  Under the streetlight, Taiga stopped looking for the stars and turned her face to Ryuuji. With her delicate fingers, she held back her hair, which was floating in the wind, and told him, “You and Minorin really do have reciprocated feelings. It really should work out. Like actually.”

  Seeing Taiga’s resolute and complete self-confidence as she asserted that, Ryuuji finally wanted to ask her. Right then, it was kind of like he was in a frame of mind where he couldn’t just let her words go.

  “I’ve been wanting to ask you…where did you get the idea that Minori likes me? You can’t say you just know from looking.”

  “You want to know?”

  Taiga tilted her head under the streetlight. She smiled a little, as though she were a magician introducing a trick or like a witch actually showing him real magic. Full of confidence, she opened her arms up to Ryuuji and looked grandly at him.

  “Then, you have to make a promise. You can’t say anything stupid like ‘Huh?’ or ‘There’s no way’ or ‘That’s unbelievable.’ If you vow that, I’ll tell you.”

  “I won’t say that stuff. I won’t. I vow it.”

  He raised one hand and took an oath. Ryuuji waited for Taiga’s magic. Taiga nodded haughtily.

  “Then I’ll tell you. The reason I believe in that is in me.”

  That’s what she said.

  That was it.

  Disappointed, Ryuuji was about to ask her, Huh? Then he remembered the oath and shut his mouth.

  “Basically, I believe in you. I think that you’re the right person for Minorin to love. Your only motive is to love her.”

  Taiga smiled as though making it all out to be a joke. Then she simply turned on her heel.

  “Bye! See you tomorrow!”

  She started running down the street towards the station, all on her own. In the middle, she turned around, as though remembering something. She made a grimace and raised her voice.

  “Come to think of it, your attitude today was the worst! What was with that?! Tomorrow, you can’t run away! You don’t actually want to run, right?!”

  Taiga didn’t wait for Ryuuji’s reply but once again turned her back to him. This time, she didn’t look back as she ran. Her back was small, like a child’s, and he immediately lost sight of her.

  Left behind, Ryuuji held his chest. His heart was thumping. It really did seem like magic. That was what his heart told him.

  His heart, which had suffered so much, regained its warm pulse just from what Taiga had said. If Taiga said that—if she said that she would believe in him—then he would believe all he needed was for Taiga to believe.

  With that small act of magic, his courage returned, and Ryuuji also started walking the night alone. That was when a thought occurred to him.

  If Ami had seen him thinking so simply, she definitely would have fixed him with her freezing gaze and said, “You really don’t understand anything.”

  What a terrible thought.

  Chapter 3

  “Goooood morning!”

  When his voice cracked grossly, Minori immediately turned around.

  In the cold of midwinter, a group of fluffed-up sparrows moved from inside the azalea bush next to them to Ryuuji and Minori’s feet. He didn’t know what they were so passionately pecking at, but they all started hammering away rapidly at the asphalt.

  “Yo! Yo! Ma!”

  Startled by Minori’s buoyant voice, they all scattered into the air.

  The weather was clear, and the sun came at them blindingly on that below-freezing morning. The beams of light made Minori’s round cheeks light up as she struck a salute.

  Ryuuji squinted his eyes and looked back at her, though he felt like lowering his head. He wanted to turn his eyes down, but he desperately raised them up. He tried very hard to move his faltering mouth. If he ran away now, it’d end up being like yesterday.

  “So a-about yesterday…uh, sorry. Uh, um…it ended up seeming like I was ignoring you.”

  Minori waited for him to finish his awkward apology.

  “Whatchu talkin’ about, Takasu-kun? Seriously, just stop that!”

  She gave him a good look at her white teeth as she smiled. As her face wrinkled from the grin, she looked like a radiant sunflower that had bloomed in the middle of winter. She rewrapped her tartan-checked scarf, pushed up her slightly shorter bangs, and shifted up the heavy-looking sports bag on her shoulder.

  “I just thought you had a stomachache or something!”

  She seemed to leap forward as she approached him by a step. She probably didn’t actually think that, but understood the awkwardness that caused Ryuuji to run. “So, doesn’t matta’ to me at all!”

  Even so, Minori smiled, and Ryuuji smiled for her, too. For the first time in what seemed like forever, they faced each other. They were exactly a meter apart.

  “It did ache a little…actually.”

  “Wow, what a shocking confession.”

  His smile wasn’t manufactured. There were no lies or tricks or deceptions.

  He smiled so he could ride through it, so that after being rejected, he could head forward. Ride this out and smile, let the storm finish, and wait for the next scene. He had seen it on TV once. Supposedly when kids and adults were involved in the same accident, the kids would sometimes make it thro
ugh with unexpectedly fewer injuries than the adults. They could do that because their bodies were still flexible. They would be sent flying and hit the hard ground, but survive with minimal damage to their bodies. Their flexibility alone would act as a cushion to protect their lives.

  Using the same logic, he would smile and smile as much as he needed and flexibly take it in, he thought. He would be as pliable as he could. If he took everything seriously, he really would be pulverized.

  Smile, Takasu Ryuuji. Smile, Kushieda Minori, he commanded, but that didn’t seem to actually translate onto his face. Minori seemed taken aback.

  “Whoa!”

  It was fine as long as the kids were smiling.

  He recalled Taiga’s face from long ago. I ain’t dead yet… the vision of Tiger said as she put a doughnut ring over her head and smiled.

  As for the real Taiga…

  “Minoriiiin! Good morning!”

  She completely ignored Ryuuji’s existence, waving her hand from the other side of the crosswalk, where the light was red. “Yooo yooo!” Minori waved both of her hands back.

  Taiga awkwardly waved around both her arms and her legs. “Yooo yooo yooo!” The young salaryman also waiting for the light behind Taiga seemed appalled as he watched her wiggling dance in silence.

  What an embarrassment, Ryuuji thought.

  “Yooo yooo yooo! Yooooo!” For some reason, Minori became even more enthusiastic. “Yo yo yo! Good morning yo! Good mor-yo-ning! Good-yo mor-yo-ning yo! Ahh!”

  She swung around the bag on her shoulder and vigorously mimed a DJ move. Minori held a headphone only she could feel with one hand and a record only she could see with the other. She scratched it and made it squeal. Facing the floor only she could perceive, she raised her voice to a falsetto to rile up the crowd. “Haaah! Aaah!”

  “Minorin, what do you think you’re doing?! That’s weird!”

  Taiga laughed from the opposite side of the road. The unsettled salaryman at her back stared at Minori this time. Then, the man noticed that next to the crazy Minori was Ryuuji, with a face that looked like a depiction of the demon Asura that a cursed sculptor had carved with a bloodstained chisel. Slowly, the man’s eyes turned away.