Toradora! Vol. 9 Page 13

  “No! Way! We just don’t get along. We’ve broken ties, as you can see.”

  Hmph. Ami looked away and turned her back to the wagon as though she were going home, but Taiga grabbed the elbow of Ami’s jacket.

  “Well, Dimhuahua, don’t talk about breaking ties. Just be nice already and buy some chocolates, and you can give them to Ryuuji to make up. Valentine’s Day came just in time. It’s perfect for you.”

  “What did you say?! Actually, what?! You’re making me buy chocolates?! Aren’t you just having me be a plant?!”

  “Then it’ll be my treat. Oh, but only one! And, right, you buy one for yourself, too. Then, you give that to Minorin and make up with her. I’ve been keeping an eye on you… You want to make up with Minorin, but you can’t because of your weirdly flip-flopping Chihuahua heart… If it’s too awkward for you, I can call Minorin over? Ha ha, I can’t believe I’d be the one to create an opportunity for you to be honest when you’re so damn impudent, Dimhuahua. No one can predict how a person will turn out.”

  “Hmph!”

  Speechless, Ami silently took off her gloves and slapped Taiga with them. If they had been medieval nobles, that would have been a call for a duel. It wasn’t as though Ryuuji didn’t understand why Ami would want to do that after her inner, complex feelings had been found out. But he was scared, so he didn’t butt in.

  “Ow! Ow! Dimhuahua! Stop, I’ll release the impressions DVD to the public!”

  “Who cares?! Do whatever you want!”

  “Then I’ll break you down mentally! Take this!”

  Taiga opened up her flip phone.

  “Huh? This is…bwah!”

  Taiga showed Ami the screen. Ami fell down, dropped her cap, took a glance at Ryuuji, and once again blurted out, “Bwah ha!” It was probably the picture Taiga had just taken earlier.

  “Right… Let me see that for a second. What did it end up looking like?”

  “You shouldn’t look. I think you wouldn’t be able to recover.”

  “Let me see! In that case, delete it!”

  “Like I could delete this when it’s so funny.”

  Forgetting he was at work, Ryuuji ended up scuffling for the phone with Taiga. They stretched their arms out at each other as though they were playing one-on-one basketball.

  “Oh! It’s Kawashima Ami-chan!” said a lone girl, who looked to be a junior high schooler, as she walked by the shop. She was probably on the way home from a nearby school after her club activities. Quite a few girls around the same age started appearing one after another.

  “Apparently she really does live around here!”

  “What, who?!”

  “The model! She’s so pretty! Can I get your picture?!”

  In a split second, a group of girls pulled out their cell phones and started making a scene. Shake my hand! they said. Which school do you go to?!

  “Kawashima, you really are famous…”

  Ami politely declined the pictures. “What? You did a great job recognizing me. ♥ Thanks so much for supporting me everyone. ♥” She went into her moist-eyed Chihuahua mode, shook their hands, and gave them autographs. The adults who passed by were watching the uproar quizzically, having no idea who Ami was and.

  “Actually, are you buying chocolates from this place?!”

  “Ami-chan is buying them! She even has five boxes!”

  The chocolates that Taiga had pressed on Ami were completely obvious and still openly visible in her hands. Instantly, the girls closed in on the wagon and started pulling out their wallets.

  “I’ll buy them, too! I want to be like Ami-chan!”

  “Me, too, me, too! Geh, they’re expensive! But I’ll buy some anyway!”

  The housewives among the passersby, who were part of a generation that wouldn’t know who Ami was, also started to glance at the wagon as they heard the girls making a commotion asking for boxes small and large.

  ***

  Of course, even though they didn’t sell out, they sold much more than their day’s quota. Before they went home, Taiga bought four small boxes, and the chocolate mountain became much smaller.

  “I’ve been thinking of doing Valentine’s thank-you gifts for a while. I wanted to send some nice chocolates from the department store basement by mail, but now that this happened, I guess this will do.”

  “Thank-you gifts? For what?”

  Ryuuji and Taiga were on the way home, walking side-by-side together a slight distance apart.

  “For Kitamura-kun, Minorin, and you. It’s a thank you for saving my life. They’re pretty shabby, but…I’ll at least give some to Dimhuahua, too. She did end up helping us. I told her one would be on me, but I forgot to give it to her—so, four boxes. I’ll give them out at school tomorrow. You think it’d be too weird to leave them in this packaging?”

  “You’re giving some to me? That’s a little weird…for me at least. We’re going to be selling those tomorrow, too, you know.”

  “Maybe I’ll do something about the packaging tonight.”

  “Just melt them. Just remake them and say that they were handmade. That’s all you need to do to package them.”

  They rounded their backs to the cold and stuck their hands in their pockets as they walked their usual route home. A cold wind came from nowhere, chilling them to the marrow. The backs of their throats felt like they were freezing over.

  “You know what—” Taiga looked at her toes as she muttered. “Time just flew by. I felt like time wasn’t moving at all at first, but when we started selling, it went by really fast.”

  “I felt like that, too.”

  Ryuuji also faced down and pulled his scarf up to his mouth. He warmed himself slightly with his own breath.

  “I got tired, but it was a lot better than I expected—the work, that is.”

  “Yeah, it really was, though I didn’t do anything.”

  “You taped stuff, didn’t you?”

  He actually felt regretful at the thought that the job would be done after the next day. He wanted to keep doing a lot more, Ryuuji thought. Actually moving around like this made him feel like he could start seeing a path forward. He felt like his helpless impatience and anxiety had gotten get hazier as he worked that day.

  “About yesterday… I’m sorry I said that you were a nuisance.” He had been able to start working because Taiga was there. “Thanks. If I were alone, I would have made up excuses and never been able to work. I think.”

  “What’re you talking about? Don’t thank me for something like that. I’m the one who needs to be thanking you.”

  “You’re being nice for once. In that case, make sure you do something with those chocolates. If you look up a recipe online, I think you’ll find something that can tell you what to do.”

  Ryuuji smiled like she’d made a joke, but Taiga turned to him slightly, and she pouted, “Actually… If I give you chocolates, Ryuuji, would you be happy?”

  “Huh?”

  Ryuuji looked back at Taiga. As though she understood his confusion, she added, “Because I have no clue.”

  “You have no clue about what?” Ryuuji was the one to pout this time. “What kind of brute do you think I am if I wouldn’t be happy getting chocolates as a thank you from you… You really don’t know?”

  “I got it… Then…then, I’ll work really hard. I’ll try to make them a little better.” Taiga swung the plastic bag in her hand and nodded as she stared at the four boxes of chocolate.

  When she said “then,” it was like she was saying she was working hard in order to make me happy.

  Taiga was working hard because it would make him happy—because she liked him.

  Ryuuji looked at her stubborn face and stopped walking.

  Taiga had said that even if she tried her best, it would amount to nothing. She’d tried her best and just ended up falling down a cliff, she’d said. That she would still do her best for him meant that she was prepared to fall down that cliff if necessary.

  In that case�
�he wanted to grab Taiga’s hand as she fell. He wanted to pull her back up and save her. What could he do if that was how he felt?

  Suddenly, Ryuuji felt like the ground at his feet was collapsing.

  He’d thought that if he hadn’t found out how she felt, nothing would have changed. That if he could just forget what had happened, things would go back to the way they were.

  But that was wrong, wasn’t it?

  Taiga was still falling down the cliff. She was still being hurt, and despite that, she hadn’t called out for help. He would lose her. She would leave Ryuuji on top of the hill in the blizzard and fall, silently, until she could eventually walk out on her own.

  Taiga kept walking, not noticing Ryuuji standing stock-still under the midwinter night sky. Her back, bathed in the bright white of the streetlights, moved farther and farther away. Her long hair moved with the sound of her footsteps. In that moment, she might really have been unreachable. She was going off alone. That was the direction Taiga had decided to take.

  Then what about me?

  Taiga had made a mistake.

  She let Ryuuji hear her voice.

  If something started stirring because of that mistake, then who would take responsibility for it? Was it okay for him to forget about it? But…

  But, but, but, but—he couldn’t.

  He couldn’t just watch as Taiga went off on her own. He couldn’t do anything now that his feelings had been stirred. And even if he could forget about it and pretend it never happened, he didn’t want to do that anymore. He didn’t want to turn a blind eye ever again when Taiga was hurting.

  He wanted to save Taiga.

  Just like Taiga, he had swallowed back his cry for help. He had wanted to cling to her, and still, he had desperately let go of her hand, because the journey Ryuuji needed to take was his alone.

  But when it came to Taiga—when he thought about how Taiga would be at a standstill, hurt, and continuing to try her best, he realized her journey was toward him. Ryuuji wanted to help Taiga as she fell. He wanted to run out into the blizzard and grab Taiga’s hand as many times as he needed to. To make sure Taiga wouldn’t be hurt anymore, to make sure she didn’t fall down anymore, he didn’t want to let go of her hand ever again. He didn’t want to be left alone again.

  He wanted Taiga to know that.

  Finally noticing that Ryuuji wasn’t following after her, as she held her hair back from the wind, Taiga stopped and turned around. The hem of her white angora coat turned up, and the frills on her long skirt fluttered. Her eyes twinkled brightly. Her light-peach lips moved, and he heard her voice as she said something—Ryuuji! What do you think you’re doing? I thought you were with me, so I was talking all by myself!

  That was Aisaka Taiga.

  She was in the same class as him. They were coincidentally neighbors. People called her the Palmtop Tiger. She was stubborn, tyrannical, arrogant, a rich mademoiselle, an abandoned child, a klutz, careless, rough, but delicate. She was easy to break and had to be carefully handled. She was as lonely as an aimless paper airplane.

  That was Aisaka Taiga.

  “Taiga…”

  I want to help you, Ryuuji thought.

  He wanted to give her something that would make her glow with happiness. No matter what form it took, no matter what it was, he just earnestly wanted to give her happiness with his very own hands.

  That was why he didn’t want to pretend that he hadn’t heard her. He couldn’t forget it. Ryuuji wanted to always hear Taiga’s voice. Her true voice.

  But Taiga wouldn’t understand that. Taiga wouldn’t understand Ryuuji’s feelings.

  Taiga was going off alone. She was holding her tongue and leaving Ryuuji behind.

  Chapter 5

  After school on Valentine’s Day, Taiga called everyone out to a deserted classroom, which was a derelict meeting room in the old school building. That morning, Taiga had made a point to go to school earlier than Minori and put letters in all their shoe cubbies to summon them, like she was following some old school tradition.

  Ryuuji, Minori, and Kitamura opened the classroom door, pulling an unwilling Ami in with them by both arms.

  “Heh heh heh. Here we meet again.”

  Taiga closed the door and let out a wicked laugh. She was probably too embarrassed to just straightforwardly thank her classmates.

  “You call this a meeting? I just want you to know that I was dragged out here!”

  “Dimhuahua, don’t worry about the details! Kitamura-kun has to get to the student council, Minori has softball, and Ryuuji and I have important work, so we’ve got to make sure this all goes smoothly.”

  “Important work? You mean what you were doing yesterday?”

  Hmph! Ami grumpily crossed her arms and stood by herself in a corner of the classroom. Minori smiled at her, her expression saying Come on, why not? Ami ignored her, and similarly turned her back on Kitamura, her childhood friend, when he tried to approach her.

  Taiga paid no mind to Ami as she went on.

  “We’ve been in a gloomy mood as of late,” she said, “but today is Valentine’s Day. To show my appreciation for you all, I brought some homemade chocolates!”

  She carefully pulled out four wrapped packages from the paper bag she brought with her.

  “They’re homemade?! And you made them, Taiga?! That’s amazing!”

  Minori applauded and patted Taiga’s head. Taiga puffed up her chest proudly. From beside Minori, Kitamura, who was once the victim of Taiga’s fried egg illusion, also clapped his hands together where he sat.

  “I can’t believe that Aisaka made us chocolates…wow! It’d be a waste to eat them!” Kitamura seemed happy as he spoke.

  “Those are just the chocolates you were selling yesterday. So you’re finally just a liar now…”

  “Nuh-uh! I just reused the wrapping paper because it was pretty, but I actually melted them down and put them in a mold myself! Well, it wasn’t really a mold so much as the bottom of a bowl, but they’re really nice looking and round! Look at the bags under my eyes! It took me all night!”

  Taiga pointed underneath her own eyes for Ami. Ryuuji knew that it had actually taken her until five in the morning. He hadn’t slept all night, either, watching the light streaming from Taiga’s window.

  “You probably just got help from Takasu-kun anyway.”

  “No, I didn’t! I’m giving chocolates to Ryuuji, as well.”

  “But Takasu-kun has bags under his eyes, too.”

  “This is just how I look…”

  That was a lie.

  Ryuuji sat down in a chair next to Kitamura. Dust had clearly built up on the chair’s surface and even its legs, but he didn’t wipe it down. As Taiga triumphantly put the bag of chocolates on the desk, all smiles, Ryuuji watched her face weakly. He watched the face of the person who had decided unhesitatingly to choose the road where she would get hurt, and decided to remain steadfastly silent.

  He realized long ago that there were things in the world that he couldn’t do anything about. He knew that trying to change someone else’s feelings was a prime example of one of those things.

  “First of all, here! I’m giving these to you, Dimhuahua! Thanks for yesterday!”

  “I’m not getting involved anymore, you got that?” Ami took the chocolates and frowned sullenly.

  “Next up, Minorin! I heard you came to my rescue during the school trip. You saved my life, so thank you!”

  “Whatcha being so formal about? Of course I’d do that for you. I’ll always come runnin’ if you’re ever in trouble, Taiga.”

  “Yeah! I love you, Minorin!”

  “I love you, too! Whoa, Taiga~!”

  Whomp! Whomp! Taiga and Minori brought their arms together, solidifying their friendship. Then Taiga continued, “Ryuuji! You, too! Thank you! I searched online and found out the right way to melt them! Make sure you eat these with Ya-chan, okay?”

  “Right…”

  Ryuuji took the chocolates. He want
ed to look happy for her, but instead, he pretended to scratch his nose even though it wasn’t itchy, trying to hide his face as much as he could.

  “And now, Kitamura-kun! I’m giving the biggest chocolate to you.”

  “Ooh…! This really is heavy! I’m happy, but are you sure you want to give me the biggest one?”

  “I do! You didn’t even think about how dangerous it was when you pulled me up the cliff! I heard it all from Ryuuji! Aah, jeez, it’s so embarrassing! I really am an idiot, aren’t I? What did I look like when I was buried in the snow?! Did you see my eyes rolling back into my head or something?!”

  Even though she always became more talkative to cover up her own embarrassment, Minori exclaimed quietly, “Huh?”

  She turned around and looked Ryuuji in the eyes. Kitamura must have heard her, too. The smile he had turned to Taiga froze, and his eyes wandered away. He was trying to avoid Minori’s unexpected gaze.

  I messed up.

  Ryuuji had asked Kitamura to join in his lie, but Minori…she had seen everything.

  Taiga might not have been able to help her embarrassment at remembering the accident. She was poking her tongue out slightly, eyes shut, and slapping her own cheeks in a poor attempt to hide her discomfort.

  “Ugh, I can’t stand it anymore. I really can’t believe it. I was so worried about what would happen back then. My leg just whooshed right into the snow, and then I just started tumbling down and hit my head, and then everything in front of my eyes just went white… I guess that must be what it feels like to pass out. It felt like I was in a dream. I thought I’d spouted gibberish during it, so when I got back to my senses I started panicking! I really didn’t know what was going on for a while.”

  Ryuuji held his breath and lifted his face. He looked desperately into Minori’s eyes.

  Please don’t say anything. Just let the conversation move on. He would have happily sold his soul to the grim reaper or a demon lord if it could make his telepathic message get through to her, but Minori didn’t return Ryuuji’s gaze. She just looked at Taiga’s now red face.